One of my mental candles is lit  for my nephew Don.  Don passed away a few years ago , at a young age.   I don’t know of Don’s major accomplishments in life.   I do know that he committed to be an organ donor and that all of his major organs have been donated to ensure life for others. I celebrate you Don, and others like you who have made such an awesome contribution to LIFE.

(Original Post by GDR)

My heart goes out to those who have overcome, and built stable lives in spite of troubling events that may have occurred in their past.

(I published this blog post in August of 2009. I inserted it in a piece I wrote later titled Parenting for a Change)
Image: Print Artist

My message to you:

Please make an effort to connect with individuals who are confined to nursing homes, or other care facilities. Your visits help them to feel connected. Those suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease will probably not recall your name, but your visits will make a difference.

Create a relationship based on caring; the surroundings will become less noticeable. Keep in mind, familiar faces and voices help to uplift the spirit, and lets loved ones feel that someone cares.

Create a good day for someone. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, go today. Make someone’s day—the rewards will warm your heart.

GDR

Every now and then we need to put down our smart gadgets, and use some basic knowledge to teach a child a craft. Learning a craft sparks children’s imaginations; they become excited when they learn to make things by hand. It also opens the door for conversation and bonding. Even if you don’t know a craft to teach, try learning a craft with your child. You’d be surprised at how fast children grasp techniques. A fun way to bring the family together is to create a day or evening on the weekends when the focus is on teaching, and learning crafts–such as sewing, crocheting, knitting, and even small repair jobs around the house.

Children need constructive things to occupy their minds—we, as adults, just have to turn off the smart phone long enough to share our own smarts with our children.

A thesaurus provides several other words that can be used when referring to a village; a few are quite common–precinct, ward, parish, and suburb.

Many of us live in areas that can be considered a village setting. Does that mean that most neighborhoods have the power to influence the development of well trained individuals who have the potential to go on and become future leaders? I think yes, especially if parents start to mold their young children’s lives with the intention of preparing them to be good citizens. If parents view their responsibilities as vital to the community and to the entire world, every family in the community will have the credentials to participate in the upbringing of children—not just their own. It is time to reinvent the village; that is the only way we will be able to redirect our children’s lives. That is the only way we will be able empower ourselves.

Families are constantly looking for solutions to the issues they encounter while raising children. The biggest concern today is how to keep them safe within their communities. The safety of children has become a major concern for city officials, as well as for the leaders of our country. Even though issues will continue to present themselves, parents need to establish a village setting within the home environment. By doing so, they have a chance to train children, from the infant stage, and get them in the habit of catering to rules and guidelines; such training benefits the family and the community. Additionally, as children grow and begin to interact with others in their community, they will understand how the character of the entire world is established by good upbringing and positive values obtained from their families.

Parents have a responsibility to send well trained individuals into the community; as well, communities can participate in the development of well-rounded young citizens who will have the potential go forth and build better tomorrows for themselves and for their families. Once we make a commitment to rededicate ourselves to the task of instilling positive values and morals in our children, we will see a reversal in the violent trend that is ending young lives and destroying families. The future is ours—to build through our children.

There appears to be some confusion in the world of parenting—or maybe an entire generation did not get the memo. Parenting is not an easy task; just when you think you’ve gotten the hang of it—you find out you need more clues. The question that parents are faced with is, “Where do I go for guidance?” Even when successful strides have been made in the right direction, some parents are still baffled as to how they pulled it off. For those of you who are sitting, holding your head in your hands, dreaming of an empty nest—your assignment is not over yet.

Parenting is likely the most difficult and unpredictable undertaking anyone will ever encounter. It is not an impossible task, and many parents have done fantastic jobs of raising great children. Those parents have enjoyed the rewarding aspects; however, they have no formula to pass on. Trust that they encountered obstacles and challenges, as well as conflicts. Good parenting occurs when guidelines and boundaries are created, maintained and enforced. Children respect rules and restrictions if they are introduced to discipline early in life. Morals and self-respect can also be instilled at an early age.

My personal observation has brought me to the conclusion that the breakdown in values may have occurred when many parents swore that they would not raise their children in the same manner in which they were raised. That is how friends and family of my generation felt. As a young adult, I might have entertained similar thoughts. When I was growing up, obedience was not an option, nor was it a bargaining tool. Although I thought my parents were tough, I must admit that the values, ethics, and honesty which came from my upbringing have made me a self-respecting individual of good character. Parents want the best for their children; they mistakenly think that catering to children is the way to gain love and respect from them. It is fine to try a new way of parenting if you feel it is best for your child, but you need to set guidelines that help instill ethical values. It’s kind of like allowing your child to ride in the car without a child-safe seat or restraint. If you fail to take a stand or if you cater to the child’s wish, the consequences could be life threatening. Until children can make their own responsible decisions, a good parent is an extension of the child-safe seat. Parenting has to begin when children are young; they need to grow into the morals and develop good character, traits that will help them to become well-rounded individuals. Good parenting combines discipline, rewards, and bonding in a way that leads children to view discipline and guidance as a life style—not as a threat.

I am certain that if each parent commits to doing something positive to effect a change in a child’s life style, the results will be positive. The action can be as simple as encouraging your child to create a fun outing for the family; if there are other children in the household, get them involved in the process. This will give your children a reason to want to come home. Encourage them to work with you on safe computer sites to find great weekend events; this provides a sense of purpose for children. Establish a partnership within the family; create a village setting. If each family can take their children off the streets by reducing idle time, lives will be saved. Additionally, a positive step will have been made to add value to the community, as well as to create safe areas for children to grow and learn.

Network with other parents in the community; meet at the library to gather new ideas for motivating your children. Get involved in the PTA; find more parents who share your concerns and are ready to make beneficial changes. When good parenting becomes your focus, children are inclined to apply themselves in school. When children are inspired to learn, teachers are inspired to focus on being better educators. It takes the combined efforts of an entire community to effect changes, but parents have a responsibility to instill good morals in their children. Leave more time for teachers to teach by taking advantage of the time you have for parenting.

Many say that there is no hope for this generation—I say as long as they are present on earth, there is hope. My hope is that parents would reach back to grasp inspiration from past generations. Share stories of your childhood, especially events where you had to overcome and persevere. Children need to understand that valuable lessons are learned from challenges and obstacles. As well, you should introduce your children to all of the wonderful people who have passed so many great traits and skills on to them—all you need to do is take a trip down memory lane.

I published the following blog post in August of 2009:

A Trip Down Memory Lane Could Guide You to a Brighter Future

The past is merely a story that was begun in our childhood years. It is etched in the memory from a child’s prospective. In order to gain the power that the past holds for your present and future, you need to reevaluate bad or troubling memories–from an adult prospective. You might have to go back several times. The great news is that you will be enlightened, inspired and empowered. Avoid holding on to unhappy memories; they will surely form an unhappy present and future. The adult version of the story will help you to see yourself and your family in a new light. The best way to release yourself from the past is to review your story. You will laugh, you might cry, but you will feel a renewed sense of admiration for the people who raised you and protected you in the best way they knew. Move forward with the positive aspects, which are the memories that will help you to grow. These memories will also give you a better prospective for enhancing your parenting skills. A child’s mind could never have found logic in why parents protected and cared for us the way they did. Now that we have become parents, it all makes more sense…well most of it.
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When I created that blog post, I felt the power, strength, and pride that the people from my past would want me to pass on. Help your children to find inspiration and appreciation–relive fond memories with them. Help them to find role models and heroes right on their own family tree. Heroes are not always found in a big bright spotlight. We are surrounded by, and influenced by unsung heroes who come into our lives to share their special talents and gifts. They make our lives better; sometimes they are not noticed or acknowledged at all. Add value to your children’s lives by helping them connect to the unsung heroes–family members who can inspire and motivate them to follow their dreams.

Finally parents, your children deserve your undivided attention; they are worth it. So, it is time to be parents who effect positive changes that can stop the destruction of our youth. Morals and ethics are lacking in individuals who act violently. The trend has to change; it has gone on for too long. Parenting for a change will make a difference—one family at a time.

(Parenting for a Change received Honoralble Mention in the 80th Annual Writer’s Digest Writers Competition, December, 2011)

Relatives and Friends:

Please make an effort to connect with individuals who are confined to nursing homes, or other care facilities. Your visits help them to feel connected. Those suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease will probably not recall your name, but your visits will make a difference.

Create a relationship based on caring; the surroundings will become less noticeable. Keep in mind, familiar faces and voices help to uplift the spirit, and lets loved ones feel that someone cares.

Create a good day for someone. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, go today. Make someone’s day—the rewards will warm your heart.

GDR

It is very difficult for family members to watch their loved ones in the state of existence that Alzheimer’s disease brings on, but every effort should be made to be present and supportive. While the ailment gradually destroys brain cells, victims develop a feeling of abandonment, which sometimes leads to behavioral problems. These individuals instinctively know when loved ones have ceased to be a part of their lives. Sometimes the depression from that feeling is expressed through anxiety attacks and rages. The behavioral problems put more stress on the victim’s heart and could even lead to heart attack or stroke.

I have observed that people who suffer from Alzheimer’s disease tend to hold on to religious beliefs. My recommendation for anyone who is struggling to deal with a loved one who has Alzheimer’s is–take a trip to a nursing home or elderly care facility. You will be enlightened, and filled with a desire to reach out, reconnect and support your loved one.

If you are struggling to deal with a loved one who has Alzheimer’s, develop a relationship based on who the person is now, then you can enjoy the time you have to spend together. Accept the fact that the life change an Alzheimer victim is experiencing is not by choice, but you can choose to stick by that person. Start where you are, because just being present on a regular basis could spark a memory of happier times–or at least a feeling of companionship. Use the random information that you hear during your visits as a basis to spark conversation, and to create a relationship. Keep listening and talking; before long the random chat might bring your loved one to a point where he or she recalls events that will bind your relationship; accept that as progress. On the next visit and all future visits, be prepared to restart the relationship—over and over again.

Family members who avoid visiting loved ones suffering from Alzheimer’s are setting themselves up for a future of guilt and regret. Don’t allow yourself to fall victim to those feelings–whether you are recognized or not, you know of what you need to do–grasp the opportunity.

While concerned groups network and brainstorm to find ways to end the violence that plagues our neighborhoods, news reports reveal that the pattern continues. Although there are no simple steps to resolve this dilemma, I am inspired by the efforts of the various communities that have banned together to address the issues. Sadly, the efforts to address the issues in the neighborhoods are hindered by the fact that many of the children are not being raised in homes with their own parents. Thankfully, the creation of community workshops has given some of these children a place to demonstrate their artistic abilities. These positive outlets will help those young people to find purpose and renew their hopes for a better future.

Radio stations, and other media have provided platforms for youth to express themselves about the violence in their schools. The majority of these children want to learn and grow in a normal school setting. They are worried that the destruction has gotten out of control; they are looking to the political leaders for solutions.

Children are finding it difficult to focus on learning because the violence is not only happening on the streets, it is occurring inside of the schools as well. Teachers have to contend with unruly students on a daily basis, thus, the entire class will suffer because of such interruptions. Unfortunately, bad behavior has escalated from simple classroom pranks to outright violence. Some children have commented that they are acting out the violence that they’ve encountered in their homes. No doubt, this is a major concern for social service agencies. Unfortunately, children have sometimes been relocated to households that continue the same pattern. In some cases more disturbing things have occurred in the new household settings.

The lawmakers have come up with a plan to place National Guard troops in the neighborhoods to police the streets. Residents are not certain that this is a good solution—still the violence continues, and is expected to escalate even more as we move into the summer months. All of the writing, talking and brainstorming about this situation has brought a number of writers, speakers and analyzers together. Though community leaders and concerned individuals have created some great programs and incentives for young people, the senseless acts of violence continue. I commend and applaud the individuals that have made progress through the implementation of community programs. Their efforts have brought awareness and calm to some of the affected areas; there is hope.

As communities focus on the task of redirecting their youth toward more productive life styles, parents must focus on using their parenting skills to instill ethical values in children—right along with the essential nutrition that builds their strong bodies. This means that it is never too early to start building character in children. Parents can reshape and renew our society by raising children that will add value to the family, to community –and to the world. If that mission is accomplished, then the outlook will be transformed to hopeful, with a strong chance of brighter tomorrows.

Taking a day or two of rest from time to time is an excellent way to refresh and attend to your health concerns. Being in the caregiver role may not afford you the time to get the exercise and activity your body needs. Over a period of time, physical and emotional deficiencies could rob you of strength.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help; if family members are not available, there are places that send volunteers. Seek the expertise of family members to help you find agencies that can help. The Department for the Aged is a good place to seek information.

You are appreciated–ask for help; if you don’t ask, no one will know that you are waiting for an answer.

GDR